Christians and Their Transgender Neighbors
When Confusion is Normalized
Christians are wading through a mine-field of sexual distortions and identity politics. Fringe sexual desires are being politicized, normalized, and marketed on a mass scale. The politicians and doctors can’t tell you what a woman is. They want your daughters to share locker rooms with individuals who possess a Y-Chromosome, and to compete against them in sports to boot. The term “love” has been stripped of all meaning, as with all words that used to be common language for common people (gender, identity, trigger, tolerance, etc.). Not only is this ideology being weaponized and pushed, but real people are being hurt in the process; people who are longing for identity, belonging, purpose, and connection are being sold a lie.
Beyond the obvious political pressures, Christians are beginning to deal with the reality of gender-confusion in their own neighborhoods, maybe even in their own homes. Even the borders of conservative towns can’t stop the infiltration that smart-phones and public education pour upon our children. More and more, good natured, blue-collared believers are faced with multiple dilemmas in the workplace and public square, and many are ill-equipped to stand for truth and love their neighbors in a culture of madness. Do we use someone's “preferred pronouns”? How do we handle children who believe they are trapped in the wrong body? What does it mean to love our transgender neighbors while holding firmly to our convictions?
Thankfully, the Bible is no stranger to mad times. The sexual sins that we see prevelant today did not pop onto the scene at the advent of the 20th Century. Many Americans would do well to remember that Christian dominance in the West is a blip on the radar of Church history. The Bible speaks plainly to those who plainly seek, especially on topics of sexuality and gender. We can come before the scriptures for answers such as these, and I would say that we must. Let’s begin by taking back some definitions first.
Love Your Neighbor. Like, Really Love Them
And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” -Matthew 22:37-40
Love has been hi-jacked. The hi-jacking of a concept begins with the confiscation of definitions. Change what the words mean, and you can change the way that people think, and then what they think. The progressive movement has taken captive definitions, and then twisted them to pervert 2000-year old Christian doctrine. Love has slowly changed, and to understand Biblical commands to love, we must understand the Biblical definition of love.
The modern call to love sounds something like, “Make me feel happy, make me feel complete, make me feel good, and you have loved me.” Love is defined not by an external standard of loveliness, but by the internal and subjective feelings of the person being loved. Like everything else in our culture, we have abandoned an objective standard for a subjective one. I am only loved if I feel loved, and I can determine what love feels like for myself.
By subtly shifting the definition of love from an objective reality to a subjective one, modern secularists have divorced love from truth. And unfortunately, so have many Christian authors and teachers. According to scripture, love is not divorced from truth. This is a false dichotomy used to silence Christians who speak up against culturally-acceptable sins. The God who declared Himself to be love is the God who is also the source of all truth. He embodies both without contradiction. To truly love is to love according to truth. Paul even says as much in the most ignored verse in a very famous passage, “[Love] does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.” (1 Corinthians 13:6).
Biblical, Christ-like love is not determined by the feelings or emotions of another person, because true love is not merely making someone feel good. True love is the whole-hearted pursuit of what is best for the beloved person. To love someone is to lay down your own life to meet the needs of another in the pursuit of their absolute best. Love has a goal. Love has an aim. The aim is the well-being of the beloved. This is why Christians must recapture the definition of love, because if love is the pursuit of the greatest good for someone, then love must be the pursuit of God’s will and intention for them.
This is why to love someone is to abhor that which is detrimental to them. When Paul exhorts the Romans to live in genuine love, he immediately couples the command with a reminder to hate that which is evil; “ Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.” (Romans 12:9). To truly love someone is to despise that which would harm them. This is why love and hate are not opposites, but companions, if in fact the hate is Godly hate (Revelation 2:6). Not to hate people, but to hate that which harms people. This is also one of the reasons that God abhors sin, because it is harmful to the creatures that He has set His love upon.
If I love my children, then I have righteous wrath against those that would attempt to harm them. I have righteous anger against teachings and beliefs that would lead them to destruction. The same is true in our love for our neighbor. To love our neighbors we must, at the same time, abhor any evil that would lead to their destruction. This is why true friendship is not found in unending agreement, but in confrontation; “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” (Proverbs 27:6). To love our friends is to, on occasion, confront them when the actions that they partake of are detrimental to their well-being.
To love our neighbor, in the true and Biblical sense, is to desire and pursue their best. This means that we proclaim the Gospel to all, seeking the eternal salvation of their souls (Romans 1:16). This means that we call on them to repent of sin, because sin brings separation from God, and ultimately, spiritual and eternal death (Isaiah 59:2, James 1:15). This means that we help them to grow in the knowledge of God and obedience to His law, which brings life and flourishing (Proverbs 4:22, Psalm 1).
Loving our Transgender Neighbors
I hope that most professing Christians would agree with what I have written thus far. That Jesus commanded us to love, and that if we are to love, we must love according to the Biblical standard of love. Therefore we must reject every attempt to redefine love. The stickier situation, and where I presume I will find push-back, arises when we ponder the how of loving our transgender neighbors. The principles here will apply to any person living in rebellion against God and His word, but they are specifically calculated to speak to the “alternative lifestyles” of the LGBT movement. Remember, these are principles. I will very briefly discuss the hard work of application at the end.
Let me say it outright: allowing someone to believe that living contrary to God’s order is perfectly acceptable is to hate them, not to love them. The Bible records that homosexuality is a sin (Romans 1:26-27, 1 Timothy 1:10, Leviticus 18:22). It also records that God created human beings “male and female” in His image and likeness (Genesis 1:27). Furthermore, it always attaches the identity of male and female to the biological sex of a person, not to any subjective condition of the mind. The Bible also states that a man dressing like a woman is a sin, and vice versa (Deuteronomy 22:5). This rules out drag shows as an acceptable practice in God’s eyes.
The problem is that when you say these things, which are very commonly held Christian beliefs, you are immediately labeled as hateful and bigoted. Again, this goes back to a distorted definition of love. The key here is to be wise regarding the way that we express these beliefs. We can disagree with someone's lifestyle, genuinely believe that it is destructive to them, and still be kind and respectful. No one was ever won over with screaming, yelling, and name calling. And no one can be won into eternal life through complete separation and ostracization. The key is a firm commitment to truth, from an attitude of gentleness and respect,
“but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame.” (1 Peter 3:15-16)
Christian, it is not a bad thing for people to hate you because of what you believe and preach. The gospel is offensive by nature (1 Corinthians 1:23), and Jesus promised that we would face the same hatred that He faced, if we are faithful to Him (John 15:18-25). The issue is when we assume that people hate us for our message, but they really hate us because we are pious jerks. Be truthful, don’t be a jerk. Befriend, care for, love, and serve your transgender neighbors.
Walking the line between loving care and acceptance of sins is often muddy and difficult, but this is the command that we have received. It takes wisdom and careful consideration, but we can begin to keep it straight by rightly ordering our allegiances. Our first allegiance is to truth, since Jesus is the truth. Our second allegiance is to the eternal good of the person we are attempting to love, which means that we desire for them to turn from sin and submit to Christ. Our third allegiance is to their feelings and emotions. When we get these out of order, we end up condoning sin or neglecting the gospel. When we keep them in line, we can work out the messiness of loving people properly.
Wading Through the Details
We would do well to distinguish between principles and application. Principles are general nuggets of truth that give us an overview of Biblical morality. Principles, however, need to be applied to specific and varied situations. This is the value of wisdom; wisdom applies. This also shows the value of Godly pastors and elders. Find a church that is committed to the principles above, and your elders will be able to help you parse out the application. It is easy to discern these sensitive issues with a bird's eye view. Love your neighbor, be kind, and love them according to truth – easy enough. But what does this expression of true, Biblical love look like on the ground? What does it look like Sunday through Saturday? Can we love without compromise? Let's end with a real-world scenario to exercise applying these principles. Hopefully this will give you an idea of how this application works.
Let’s tackle the big one; pronouns. Should a Christian use the preferred pronouns of their transgender neighbor or co-worker? Let me ask a few questions that I hope will clarify this situation. If you knew someone who believed something that was detrimental to their safety, would you affirm their belief? If the reality that they created for themselves would lead to their death, would you make them comfortable in that reality? If your friend believed that they were a bird and could fly, would you speak to them in bird-screeches to make them feel comfortable? What if you knew that this belief would inevitably lead them to jump off of the roof? You wouldn’t make them comfortable in this deception, you would try to drag them to reality at all costs, or at the very least, not entertain the destructive perspective. This is an exaggerated example, but I believe that it holds bearing on the situation at hand. True love delights in the truth (1 Corinthians 13:6), and the truth sets free (John 8:32). We should always act and speak according to the truth.
Love Them Well
Christian, your transgender neighbors need love. That is the deepest desire of their hearts. They are longing for it and seeking it out in all the wrong places. They genuinely believe that if they were to change their identity, then they would find joy and fulfillment. We know, as ones who are united with the source of all love, joy, and fulfillment, that their pursuit will not bring them what they long for. Be careful to maintain faithfulness to that message, while also exemplifying it in the way that we treat others. Be kind, be gracious, be loving, be bold, be courageous. In all of this, do not compromise. What your transgender friends need more than anything else, is someone who loves them enough to bring them to the truth, the truth that the only life worth living is the life lived in union with Christ. The truth that forgiveness of sins and access to the Father are only found through Jesus’ sacrificial death and glorious resurrection. The truth that repentance and faith are the path to laying hold of these glorious realities. Your transgender friends need Jesus, so give Him to them. Befriend them, love them, and speak truth to them. The Gospel holds power to transform hearts and save sinners (Romans 1:16), so let your lips spill forth gospel love without shame.
